At Weezy’s birthday, when confronted with this:
I asked Nana Eileen to grab me the pack of wipes from my nightstand in the bedroom. She returned with this:
Innocent enough, right? Until she opened the box and all of this sprung forth:
For the record, this is not a dildo; it is temporal lobe thermometer:
And this is not various tubes of lube and sensual massage oil, it is various tubes of diaper rash cream. Hot, I know.
And these are condoms. I guess there is no baby-friendly excuse for these. In fact, I am pretty sure they are babies mortal enemies.
Why are these kept in the wipes container? Because of this:
Eloise has developed a fervent interest in re-organization and it is on her daily agenda to rearrange all of the items in and around my nightstand (she will literally drag things from other rooms and put them in my lotion box!) The wipes container is our way of baby-proofing our birth-control options!
To all you who snickered and sent us pointed looks at the party, we are flattered you would assume we’ve got such an adventurous sex life, but I hope this post clarifies any misconceptions.
Now I have to go “change a diaper” … and for the record that really means change a diaper.
PS: Just because its funny, I am going to share with you a little Brakes trivia. What's the largest volume of condoms Brakes has ever purchased at once? Any guesses?
Just under 1500. He bought them online. In bulk. Just after Weezy was born. Hmm. (Do you think he is ready for numero dos?) Here is part of his stash.
When they arrived in the mail, I opened the box, gave Brakes a smile and said, “My how ambitious of you!” Bless his frugal heart.