Monday, April 19, 2010

Its Not What it Seems!

At Weezy’s birthday, when confronted with this:


I asked Nana Eileen to grab me the pack of wipes from my nightstand in the bedroom.  She returned with this:

 Eloise 12 months 2 131

Innocent enough, right? Until she opened the box and all of this sprung forth:

Eloise 12 months 2 138 

For the record, this is not a dildo; it is temporal lobe thermometer:

 Eloise 12 months 2 141

And this is not various tubes of lube and sensual massage oil, it is various tubes of diaper rash cream.  Hot, I know.

 Eloise 12 months 2 146

And these are condoms. I guess there is no baby-friendly excuse for these.  In fact, I am pretty sure they are babies mortal enemies.

 Eloise 12 months 2 147

Why are these kept in the wipes container?  Because of this:

 Eloise 12 months 2 156

Eloise has developed a fervent interest in re-organization and it is on her daily agenda to rearrange all of the items in and around my nightstand (she will literally drag things from other rooms and put them in my lotion box!) The wipes container is our way of baby-proofing our birth-control options!

To all you who snickered and sent us pointed looks at the party, we are flattered you would assume we’ve got such an adventurous sex life, but I hope this post clarifies any misconceptions.  

Now I have to go “change a diaper” … and for the record that really means change a diaper. 

PS: Just because its funny, I am going to share with you a little Brakes trivia.  What's the largest volume of condoms Brakes has ever purchased at once?  Any guesses?

Just under 1500.  He bought them online. In bulk.  Just after Weezy was born.  Hmm.  (Do you think he is ready for numero dos?)  Here is part of his stash.  

Eloise 12 months 2 154

When they arrived in the mail, I opened the box, gave Brakes a smile and said, “My how ambitious of you!”  Bless his frugal heart.


Mommy Moreno from said...

lmAo!!!! omg - i was scared to keep reading at first - but that is TOOOO funny. I swear my husband did the same thing (bought in bulk) - A lot of good it did us (says the big round pregnant girl). Apparently having them in the nightstand isnt protection enough ;)

~RDJ~ said...


janessa said...

OMG! That's awesome! Thank you for making me spit out my coffee bright and early on a Saturday morning!

Michelle Z said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Annnnnnnnd I'm stealing your idea of hiding things in the wipes container.

SmartAssMom said...

We don't have a temporal lobe thermometer so I was a bit horrified at first...
And I think if my husband ordered 1500 condoms online I'd refer to him as optimistic rather than ambitious. VERY optimistic. They do expire, don't they?

Stefanie K. said...

"My, how abmitious of you!" ...LMAO!!! I wouldn't even let Todd buy the biggest pack they had at the grocery store. Those things go bad, you know? Way too ambitious/optimistic (for me!!) ;) You crack me up!!

Alison said...

If you thought your Dad didn't want to read about your vajay-jay... I can't WAIT to hear what he has to say about this!! Haaaaaaaaaaa!! You are hilarious Ms Katie!

Shanlee said...

Oh my God!! Your dad's heart will stop. He will be horrified that his baby girl even knows what a D-word is.

Sabreena said...

That's hilarious! At a party no less. I am happy to hear you and Brakes are being safe and the wipe container seems like a perfectly safe place to hide your baby blockers. Don't those things have a short shelf life? You two better get busy :>

Anonymous said...

as Brake's sister- TMI TMI TMI!!!