An Unhealthy Obsession

So you may be wondering why Brakes has taken over the majority of blogging responsibilities as of late- he’s a control freak, he needed a hobby, he’s stealing my thunder, I have succumbed to an unhealthy obsession.  Drop cloths.  As in painter’s drop cloths.  As in oatmeal colored beauty with ebony flecks big-ass, heavy cheap canvas fabric used to protect floors when painting.  You can get them at Lowes for like 10 bucks a pop.   I buy them in bulk, but I am pretty sure you can buy one at a time too.  I wouldn’t know.  Anyways.

The obsession began innocently enough.  When we moved in I could not get Pago’s 30 year-old-likely-never-seen-the-inside-of-a-washer-drapes down fast enough.  Literally, our realtor was ripping them away as Pago pealed (I’m guessing he knew about the skunks and wanted to make haste before we realized we’d been conned) out of the driveway after the final walk through.  For awhile we made do with satin bed sheets stapled over all of the windows (why do we have 6 different satin sheet sets?  Wouldn’t you like to know!)  but after awhile our “whore-house chic” look grew a bit stale (gross) and I was ready for a change.  Unfortunately this itch (to continue with the stale-whore-house theme) coincided with Brakes’ tabulations of the budget.  After his sketchy number-crunching (pretty sure he secretly loved the satin sheets) he said there was no moula for new window treatments, or as I like to call them, curtain-scapes.  Sadly I packed my Restoration Hardware and Anthropologie catalogues away in my “someday box” and tried to squelch the vision of custom panels dancing in my head.

It kept me up at night.  I could not sleep from the glare of the alarm clock bouncing off the shiny polyester adorning my window.  I grew desperate.  After unsuccessfully trying to piece together a couple of nice wholesome cotton pillow cases in a faux- patchwork look and a failed goth-inspired moodboard (I may have been watching Vampire Diaries.  Don’t judge.) which prominently featured a tin-foil valance, I grew desperate to solve this window covering conundrum!  I promised sexual favors to clip coupons and forgo wine Puffs if it meant I could buy some proper curtains!  In the end, Brakes and I reached a compromise: I could get new curtains but I would have to do it on a very slim-budget. 

Off to TJMaxx, Ross, JoAnns, and Ikea I went.  I scoured dozens of different fabrics and materials and I just could not find anything that made my heart skip… until I happened upon the drop-cloth aisle!  My mental computer raced as it tried to remember some of the blog posts I’d read about drop-cloth DIY.  I examined the color and realized it was just the rich cream that would perfectly complement the cool tones of our new paint job!  I started slow and gently put two drop-cloths in our basket.  Brakes  congratulated me on my ingenuity and self-control.  If he’d only known…

Now every window in the house is dressed in a different varietal of my drop-cloth mania and I am busily trying to figure out how to hot-glue together a slip-cover for our padded headboard (satin sheets and a padded headboard!  Do you feel uncomfortable yet?)  When I resurface from the heady cloud of creation, I’ll try to post some pics!  But until then………….. Hellooooo, Gorgeous!

She makes my heart sing!

Weezy Wednesday: Its Like Trying to Herd Cats

In honor of the Olympics, Brakes and I spent a good part of last Sunday choreographing a short movie montage depicting the trials and errors of a marathon runner.  We laughed, we cried, we deserve an Oscar.  Or a gold medal.  Either one.

Take 7:

Take 22 (we only wish we were exaggerating):

Victory!

Celebrity Lookalikes!

The other day a soon-to-be father asked me what it is like to be a dad.  I immediately knew how to answer. Remember the Mogwais? Those cute little fury creatures from the movie Gremlins.  

Well, just like the movie we were blessed with our very own Gizmo 11 months ago. Isn’t she cute?

When we brought her home we knew the rules were simple: Don’t let her stay up past midnight and whatever you do DON’T GET HER WET!

But the other day she sprinted for the sink and next thing we knew….

She was in the kitchen. Gremlins can be extremely reckless and they are really messy eaters.

I summed up my conversation with my friend with this sage advice:  You have two jobs as a parent:

Keep them out of trouble and prevent spawning at all costs. 

Gremlins are a lot of work!  Its a good thing it’s 11:45 PM and Gizmo is finally in bed!

Neighbors, Skunks, and Green Leafy Plants. What do they have in common?

The morning after the floors were completed Gas and I were awoken by an odd smell emanating from the furnace vents. To be more precise it smelled similar to a big greasy breakfast. We were a bit puzzled at the time, but decided to let it marinate (to continue with the food theme. Gas is a fan of themes and I am a fan of Gas, so please excuse my “cheesy” theme. Get it? Cheese? Anyways.) with us for a bit and we opened the windows. The smell appeared to get better until we turned the heat back on in the evening and within minutes the house stunk again although it had morphed into an odor more “herby” in nature; Gas swore it smelled like skunky-weed.

Now the neighbors directly to our north are somewhat of a strange couple. They are older and retired. The wife is a very talkative and gregarious type, while the husband actively avoids eye-contact with us as he trudges to and from his house. I might be able to pick him out of a lineup, but only if it was a profile. Rather than decide he just isn’t the neighborly type, my imaginative wife theorizes that he must be terminally ill and he does not wish to make friends with her for fear that the loss will be too great when the time comes. She has mentioned that I should hint to them that she writes a hell of a eulogy. (I’m not sure that’s the choice of words I would use, honey.) In any case she felt that he may be numbing his pain with the occasional “joint” on the balcony relatively close to our crawlspace and attic intake vents. Case closed. Or so we thought…

I was not so convinced of this story, particularly because it seemed to be localized to the furnace and the crawlspace or catacombs as we like to refer to them. So we searched the furnace ducts and opened the front to the furnace but couldn’t find anything. I kept wondering if maybe the Weez had deviously planted a woodsprite in one of the furnace ducts and it was baking every time we turned on the heater. After suffering (not silently, Gas!) through this for a week or so we decided it was time to call in the experts. I don’t think Mel, our local furnace pro, had ever been greeted at the door so warmly. Gas verbally made-out with him at first site! Its a good think I am not the jealous type and Mel was a happily married Grandfather. After sniffing around a bit we headed to the catacombs and he immediately recognized the smell of a skunk. Apparently the little critter had sprayed near one of the catacomb vents and the smell got pulled into the intake. He recommended taking something that smells nice and attaching it to the furnace intake. So we wet a rag with some sweet pea oil, turned on the heater and within 5 minutes our entire house smelled like the Body Shop. I would highly recommend it.

So, in the end, what is the lesson in all of this? Don’t judge a book… err, house… err, grumpy neighbor… by it’s… err, his… cover… I mean smell. And also demeanor. Anyways.

Till next time, folks! I’ll just leave you with a picture of my sweet-peas in our sweet-pea smelling house.

Weezy Wednesdays: Brown Shirt Beckons

She’ll do pretty much anything for Brown Shirt!

We are Avatars!

Hey guys Brakes here again.

A couple weeks ago due to beer pressure (I convinced her after she’d had a few) I got Gas to agree to see Avatar in 3-D. Now you’d have to be living under a pack-and-play to have not seen this movie, but this was not a given for us due to our sordid history with science fiction movies. The first and only one I’ve ever been able to drag Gas to see was the third Lord of the Rings movie to which we snuck into the theatre midway through on my birthday after I’d agreed to see a Hugh Grant chick-flick. What a deal! She was very uninterested until the epic battle scene where the dwarf demands the ranger toss him over the threshold so he can battle on the other side: “Toss me. I cannot make the jump!” She now exclaims this whenever she doesn't want to do something, be it washing dishes, or walking back to the car in the costco parking lot. It’s a line that never gets old. To her.

Although we do agree that Avatar was akin to Ferngully on steroids . We luckily have been able to avoid Post Avatar Depression (P.A.D. for short) although the other day I thought to myself how neat it would be if real life were in 3-D. We’ve been quoting the movie nonstop and we borrow phrases from the Na’vi language such as:

Na'vi: "I see you" Translation: I love you

Our house: I see you... literately. I see you ignoring the poopy diaper and waiting for me to notice.

Na'vi: "Unobtainium" Definition: A rare mineral valued at “20 million a kilo"

Our House: A synonym for sleep or something that is equally rare and absolutly just not going to happen. For example: "How much unobtainium did you get last night? Oh, not much. How about you?" "You want to unobtainium later?" "Not gonna happen, Brakes." It is a multifunctional word.

Na'vi: "Woodsprites" Definition: seeds of the "holy tree", appearing similar to airborne jellyfish.

Our House: A synonym for poop. Used in a sentence: "Weez made another woodsprite so soon?!... Honey, can you get this one?" "Sorry honey it’s unobtainium."

Our Avatar obsession also lead us to make an avatar of Weezy at this website: http://www.avatarizeyourself.com/. She can thank me later.

So without further ado we present our powerful little Na’vi warrior:

Weezy Wednesdays: Piggies and Kisses

This video is pretty much just a gratuitous homage to my darling girl’s gorgeous pig-tails.  Though it also showcases her new fancy kissing abilities!