Friday, November 20, 2009

I’ve Created a Monster!

Who notices something strange about this picture? Is it that obvious?

Copping a feelMy daughter is apparently some kind of pervert. For months now she has been doing what we affectionately call her, “Shark Face.” She lunges aggressively towards my chi-chis, snapping her little jaws. Sometimes she couples this with a grunt, groan, or snarl for effect. (Did I mention she has 2.5 teeth now? I am a saint.)

Recently she has taken to just casually keeping her hand within reach of her favorite chi-chi, pretty much at all times, as depicted in the picture to your left. (Do you see the hidden shame in my eyes as I bravely try to laugh it off? What about her? Please note the devil-may-care expression punctuating her smirk. She looks so entitled.)

Now I have dealt with all of her manhandling and snarling pretty well. I’ve never flicked her cheek (not even with the biting incident of ‘’09), and I’ve casually redirected her meaty paws when they wander wayward at inappropriate times. But the other night at Trader Joe’s I may have reached my limit.

We were on our way to a birthday party for the Unc and Nana Eileen called and asked us to stop and get a little shaved parmesan (she’d made marinara from scratch and it was delish!). Only needing the one item, I didn't bother with a shopping cart or a baby carrier, I just propped Miss Weezy on my hip and we hauled fanny to the check out.

The cashier (male, barely post-adolescent, with accompanying patchy goatee, and an unfortunate predilection for blushing) had just asked for my ID (I may have also grabbed a bottle of wine, which I desperately hankered for a gulp of a few moments later) when Eloise reached across my chest, clasped the edge of my cotton v-neck and bra and used her weight to heft the material aside. Out popped my big boob, practically landing on the check-writing shelf. She lunged after it, mouth gaping, already making slurping noises in anticipation, and attempted to latch on. I froze in horror as the check-out boy stared with eyes like saucers, his face and neck turning a violent shade of purple. Once I regained my composure I jerked Eloise off, ignored her protests, blindly signed the credit-card slip, and practically ran out of the store.

What did I learn from this experience? Eloise does not respect social (or my personal) boundaries and on-demand-nursing is dangerously overrated.

10 comments:

SmartAssMom said...

Another fabulous post. My girl crush is intensifying each and every day.

SwishDesigns said...

Oh my! I'm so sorry but WOW I just have to giggle. That really sucks. ;(

Lindsy said...

You just missed me LMAO. I have seen the shark attack in action. You are a saint.

minivan soapbox said...

Look at it as a public service...You probably gave that cashier guy his first glimpse of real woman boob.

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

You probably made his day. Of course, when he tells his friends, there will be no mention of the baby. ;) Thanks so much for the visit today...your comment was so sweet!

kiakai/Kelly @ Much To Do With Nothing said...

From someone who breast fed 5 baby boys,(all grown up now) your breasts just become bottles. They aren't what that boy thought they were. Not at this time anyway. At least I didn't think that way. It's exhausting. But so worth it.
That WAS a funny story. I'm sorry to laugh. :) I have soooo been there.
Kelly

janessa said...

LMAO! Awesome. You handled it like a champ. The only thing you could've done in addition is to sign the credit card slip with the aide of your boob.

Marllette said...

OH MY GOODNESS! Why do I feel like I was there with you? Maybe there are things in our past that came close to this? Ha. Pobrecita, you are so good... I'm sorry, but I feel okay to laugh (and quite loudly, in the middle of the workday sitting in my office where all can wonder what the heck is wrong with me) because I know at the end of the day it just rolls off your back because you are THAT GOOD! Love you, Mama!

Sara @ Russet Street Reno said...

Um, Hilarious!!!

Chrissy Edwards said...

OMG Katie, I am laughing so hard I'm crying!! I have *knock on wood* never experienced this in all my nursing days...